Herewith Magazine: I Learned to Go Alone

“This is the story of a girl who traveled the world, alone. No it's, and's or but's. She's brave, poetic, and badass. This is Jen Yih. Check out her story in our latest issue, 004 Revelation. But for now, here's a taste.”

It’s the year of the woman. Can’t you feel it? All around the world, we’re coming together, rising up with voice, redefining what it means to be female. This is an era of change. This is an era for her. 

It was the summer of 2015 when I sat at my aunt’s dining room table overlooking San Francisco’s Embarcadero. We were sipping coconut water and waiting for the rice to cook. She had recently lost her husband after more than 40 years of marriage, and had just returned from a proper globe trot to more countries than I can remember. We had that in common, travel—that persistent urge to displace ourselves to ultimately discover and rediscover the self. Of course she missed her husband, but she said something to me that I’ll never forget:

“No matter what you do, where you go, or who you fall asleep next to, everyone comes into this world alone and leaves alone.” 

Her comments on this perpetual "alone-ness" really resonated with me. I never thought of myself as a loner or lonely or alone, but the more I thought about it, the more sense it made to me—especially the more I traveled, experienced, fell in love, had my heart broken, made friends, lost friends, lost people, changed cities, depended on myself and so on. She was simplystating the fact that this human experience is a very singular one. Even in a sea of people, everyone feels, sees, thinks and experiences things uniquely. No imprint or person is the same. It dawned on me that this lonesomeness is why nonverbal expressions like music or art even exist. We’re desperately trying to understand the self and communicate with each other; in hopes that our message will unite us. It’s why we gravitate to people with similar interests, because we're trying to understand and be understood. But at the end of the day, no one is going to ever fully understand the beauty of your own originality.

I traveled the world for more than 200 days this year. I took advantage of our digital era and decided to write and publish the life-changing adventure. Along the way, I received uplifting and inspiring messages from people who also broke routine and packed their bags to chase an original life. What people didn’t see beyond Instagram is that I left my job, sold most of my things, packed my bags and went alone.

I sat countless hours at airport terminals in Dubai, Lisbon, Reykjavik, London, Denpasar, alone, watching people from all over the world walk, talk, eat, slurp, nap. As I sat alone, with my headphones on, observing people I thought: everyone here has probably lost someone they loved, experienced a heartbreak, wondered how they can express themselves better, said I love you to someone for the first time, worried about something at work or finding work or a loved one or health, questioned their faith or purpose, and so much more. I simply started to put on these human goggles and not look at everyone as passerby's going to their next destination or out-of-town meeting... I walked the streets of Lisbon and London alone, sat on park benches watching swans and kids play in the ponds, dined and sipped wine alone at hole in the wall cafes in Europe or on a quiet island in Southeast Asia, went to bed with myself only to listen to my own thoughts and the sound of the rain, woke up alone to sip coffee and watch the clouds move slowly through the sky, paddled out alone into unknown water. Did I miss my friends or family or most-recent crush? Yeah, absolutely, but only sometimes. But what I learned during these lonesome and quiet moments was something worth saying aloud. 

We live in a world that is more "connected" than ever. In the tap of two fingers you can call, text, direct message almost anyone in the world and in less that 24 hours you can hop on a plane and travel across the planet to almost anywhere... But as I sat alone on trains, planes, buses, and more it was sad to watch people with their heads down scrolling through Instagram and Facebook, they didn't even know I was looking at them, the only person I'd make eye contact with was a little old lady and her granddaughter too young, too old for social media. My favorites were the foreign girls in Indonesia doing yoga splits on sacred temples or in full make-up on the beaches spending 20 minutes taking selfies, editing, and uploading without hardly looking at the water or feeling the sand. It made me wonder how much time everyone really does spend staring at a screen living their lives vicariously through others or posting a life you're hoping others will envy. 

SCROLL, SCROLL, SCROLL, TAP, TAP, TAP, LIKE, LIKE, LIKE, POST, POST, POST, SATURATE, DESATURATE, WITTY TAGLINE HERE, HASHTAG, EMOJI, FOLLOW, FOLLOW, FOLLOW. 

TRUE CONNECTION 

As I traveled alone, the more worried I became about this "connection" we all have with each other through social media, posting, sharing, liking, following, unfollowing, and as I spent countless nights alone - I can promise you that social media didn't make me feel more less-alone. It made me realize, appreciate, and long for those beautiful genuine connections, conversation, embraces, and late nights I've spent with people who are looking up and around and in, not down at their phone. 

YOU'RE THE DESIGNER OF YOUR DAY 

As you travel alone, you realize that no one is going to call on you or come for you. There are no meetings, schedules, or decisions made based on someone else's preferences. You wake up and from sunrise to sunset you are the designer of your day. You're given the responsibility to determine what you will give and get. You might learn a thing or two about yourself when you're given this huge responsibility - you might find out how lazy, or productive, or introverted, or perverted you are. But as you get to know yourself and what you need from your days, I can assure you, you will understand what you need out of your life. 

SILENCE 

Clutter, static, distractions, gossip, drama, ideas, complaints, whining, violence, news, politics, relationships. It's a busy, overwhelming world if you're looking around and trying to get a grip or stay up to date on every political, familial, technological, environmental happening...and after awhile, it's just loud noise. Traveling alone, allows the dust to settle - allow the mind along with its anxieties, worries, stresses to relax and organize itself, and the outcome is a little blessing called clarity. 

I suppose the moral of the story is, you came into this world alone and you're going to leave alone. You're not entitled to anything, you're just a visitor here. 

No one owes you anything - money, love, fame, or happiness - you have to earn it, work for it, protect it, and give it. 

I wish more people would spend time unplugged, reconnected, turning down the static and becoming better friends with themselves. I understand that not everyone can but if you're reading this, I wish it for you.